Life Plans: I live in Seattle now, it's cold here.

BEING AN ADULT IS HARD! Who thought of this concept that you have to grow up, get a job and then provide for yourself!? An asshole, that’s for sure.

Not only is being an adult hard, but it’s super stressful. You spend four years of your life stressed out, panicked and broke to get a piece of paper to prove that you’re worth shit.

Only to be right-back stressed out, panicked and broke literally the next day. You’re not qualified for anything. You think you are. You thought learning was enough. It’s not. You find an internship to learn. You’re still bottom of the barrel. Basically still on that “not shit” level, you desperately slaved away trying to avoid.

So here I am. Summer coming to a close. Internship coming to a close. Bank account drained. Rent due. Paychecks futile. And I feel without a doubt “aint shit.” Here are my options:

• Stay in Seattle, find a job. Find a new apartment. Be stressed.

• Go back home, feel worthless. Get a job. Try to move out. Be stressed

• Move somewhere new (without a doubt don’t have the funds). Get a job. Find a place to live. Be stressed.

• Stay with brother (He lives outside of LA). No Car. Find a job. Make money. Be stressed.

• Become a hobo.

• Find a strictly platonic sugar daddy

These are my options. Pitiful as fuck.

I’m pitiful. I have no passion. No drive. I’m not inspired. I’m so millennial, it’s disgusting. I should write a book. I should work at Starbucks and write a book. This doesn’t sound too bad. I am not put-off by this idea. The more time I’m thinking about this, the better this idea is becoming. Okay, let’s call this “Plan C”. C for “Could Be a Classy Time.”

So now I just need plan B and A. This is great. I’m feeling accomplished.

I for sure want to leave the country. I don’t have the money. Obviously, I need a program. I need to apply to leave the country teaching English. I need more time to not become an adult, and to travel. And to find love abroad. Forget that last part, I got off topic. Is this plan B or A? TBD.

Next option, the big kahuna…get a real job. Ew. What am I good at? Being funny. Fuck, that’s not enough. Or is it? Youtube star!? Let’s not throw that away. Okay. I’m also good at being a boss bitch.

Resume

Experience: BEING A BOSS BITCH

Okay, other skills now. Writing, clearly. I’m amazing. I’m a shining star. I got the magic in my fingers. This keyboard is blessed to have met me. Now what can I do in life that requires being funny, a writer and a boss bitch? BECOME SHONDA RHIMES. Okay so let’s make this “Plan B,” B for “Boss Bitch Operations."

That means fleeing the country falls under “Plan A,” A for “Addicted to Adventure and Australians.”

So I think I just figured out my life. I have to get the hell out of dodge. Thanks self, for helping me to figure that out. I feel good, great even.