Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 1 RECAP

It's been too damn long, two years to be exact and I am happy to say, welcome back to Westeros!

Now, let's jump right into possibly the best moment of my life.

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I screamed. I sobbed. Because you already know what I'm about to say— IT'S A STARK REUNION. There were many times when I didn't think this moment would ever come. Even as it was happening, and I watched Arya watch Jon riding into Winterfell, I didn't truly believe it, but I loved it. ‘Twas true happiness. And that was how Game of Thrones ended.

IF ONLY. But no, we have more drama and death to get to, so I'll brush my fantasies aside.

When Jon gets back, he is welcomed by Bran and Sansa and it is hilarious. Bran actually smiled. I repeat, he showed EMOTION.

But, it wasn't an "oh my brother, at long last we meet again" smile. No, it was a "boy you have no idea the type of shit that's about to go down cause you not even my brother and I'm not even actually Bran" smile.

Essentially everyone at Winterfell is upset.

Sansa however, is supreme pissed.

She gave up being the one true Lady of the North, just so Jon can turn around and give it up to the woman (aunt) he's sleeping with. Tragic. Speaking of tragic, Sansa points out the one thing I was saying all of season 7...TYRION HAS BEEN SLACKING! This is definitely not the Tyrion we all came to love. This is a complaisant imposter!

Beyond that, Jon literally finds himself between a Stark and a Targaryen hard place.

Arya, being the wise badass woman that she is, points out that for once Sansa is not on her bullshit. She actually has a point, which is to finally protect her family!

So what will Jon decide?

The life of a bastard Stark; which means he can actually continue his dream of taking on no real responsibility, fighting white walkers and riding dragons (no pun intended, but sleeping with his aunt included).

SN: I've waited so long for Jon to ride. Really, can we just end the season here while we're ahead?

OR

The role of the one True Targaryen King; pleasing the North, trusting his family and listening to his only friend!

I guess there’s a third option. He can marry Dany and they can both rule as equals, because Aunt or not they are so damn cute.

Even the dragons want to know, WHAT WILL HE DO?

Speaking of incestuous relationships— now seems like the perfect moment to talk about what Cersei is up to in King's Landing.

Cersei sits on her throne of lies, UNBOTHERED and she checks her watch like "are they dead yet?" But, I must admit she did catch me off my game by inviting that lunatic Euron back to her bed. My only reaction was "GIRL, WHAT!?"

Cersei is A LOT of things? But a weak ass bitch, she is not. So, when Euron talked to her crazy I expected her to promptly have the Mountain smash his head open Oberyn Martell-style (RIP to a real one).

She has the balls to send her brothers’ BFF to kill them, but ain't got the balls to keep a trifling sociopath

out of her sheets?

Shit was not adding up.

But, then it dawned on me. This bitch is wise. BECAUSE Lord knows, her brother’s baby is not about to be no damn heir to no throne! She needed a scapegoat, she’s been down this path a many a times before.

Whatever the actual reason Euron was being occupied, I don’t actually care. Because I solely care about my girl Yara!!!! My favorite character besides our troubled Jon Snow (Don’t @Me)! She also has the common sense to be like "while you guys fight the undead, I'm going to hold the fort down across the sea."

I cried when I saw my girl alive, I had hoped and it was SO! I didn't, however, appreciate Theon. I've said it before and I'll say it again, HE IS NOT REDEEMED!

“What is dead, may never die.” However, Theon is very much alive and if he dies fighting for the Starks, then and only then will I accept it. Until then, miss me with the bullshit.

And that concludes episode 1.

HA! Just kidding of course, because the best moment of all happened right at the end.

Who remembers this?

Personally, this is the moment I became completely invested in Game of Thrones and was like "wtf is this show? I must see more!"

So, it made this moment that much more amazing.

Honestly, I don't know what this conversation would actually sound like. On one hand, Bran was waiting outside in the cold for legit a couple of days just to look at Jaime like "remember me?" BUT on the other hand, THAT'S NOT BRAN! And the three-eyed raven ain't tripping over trivial things like walking unless it's the walking dead. Either way, I can't wait to find out.

Final Thoughts:

• Lady Mormont is a baby boss! Can’t wait until the child is old enough to watch the show so she can revel in her moments.

• Can we take a moment to acknowledge the fur that Daenerys was rocking? Who's not the new Queen of the North again!?

• Arya and Gendry? I Stan.

• My man Tormund, lived to see another day. I appreciate it.

• The white walkers leaving messages like "while yall busy playing the game of thrones, we coming for yall lives.

See you all next week!