My ColorComm fellowship experience: Who I am

“Hey you! Be you. Be unapologetically yourself. However, if you could just act a little differently and be a little better…that would be great.”

Last week, I attended the 4th annual ColorComm conference in Miami as 1 of 9 ColorComm fellows. As I was running around, constantly in awe of all the melanin around me, I couldn’t help but realize situations like these—do not favor the introvert.

You must be shy.

Oh, are you nervous?

You’re the quiet one.

You haven’t said anything; do you have something to say?

Growing up, these words had always haunted me. I didn’t understand them. Because I knew they weren’t true and It made me angry that people didn’t see that.

But, people that KNOW me —who truly know me, KNOW that I am anything but quiet. And half the time, they’re probably wishing they shouldn’t have even asked me.

Over the course of three days at #C2Miami— I felt inspired, I felt motivated, I felt hopeful. But, in the back of my mind the entire time I thought “why isn’t this working for me? “

I know who I am. I am confident in who I am. But EVERY TIME I’m just being myself, it feels like it’s not enough. Which is ironic, because almost every successful lady told me that is what I needed to be. I thought, ‘I AM. But it’s not enough for you.’

The first day we were asked to define who we are. Which for me, it’s easiest to start with who I am not.

I’m not a loud person. I’m not a bubbly person. I don’t speak, just to speak. I don’t smile just to smile. I won’t clap when I don’t agree and I definitely won't laugh, if it’s not funny.

I’m a listener. I pay attention. I’m sarcastic. I’m humble. I’m a realist. I’m the funniest person I know.

I don’t have an answer for everything at an instant notice. I can’t propose a question on a whim, just to fulfill a quota for you.

I’m a writer...you know the kind that I am. Not, the kind that YOU are.

So, if the theme of the conference was “Surprise Yourself,” riddle me shook because I did. I didn’t conform. I didn’t give in. I surprisingly was just me, even though it was hard to be at times.

I will continue to be unapologetically myself —my true self, not a self-edited version to make others comfortable and let success follow.

I want to say thank you to the ColorComm fellowship program and MSL Group for sponsoring my attendance. I truly was able to learn a lot, but on my own terms, and I hope you will continue to look for young women who are truly diverse, not just on the outside but on the inside as well.